weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
