pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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