I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
