I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
