you have to choose: penises or morals?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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