loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
