I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
