yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
