4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
