The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
