saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Found the puke drawer
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
