Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
