You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
