i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
