The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
