Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
