Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
