How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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