Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
