I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
