He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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