Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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