Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
