I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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