it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
