I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
