I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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