Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
