hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
