I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
