Pants 0. Shit 1.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
