I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
