Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
