You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
