woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
