i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
