Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
