Quick, to the slutcave!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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