We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
