if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
