You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
