Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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