The maid of honor just puked.
id be glad to
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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