my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
