Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
