I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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