the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
