I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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