I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Reggie can tackle my bush.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
