If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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