even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
