He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
